I think I died a long time ago.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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