I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
