I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
