got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
