youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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