nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
