No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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