my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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