WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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