1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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