I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
