i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Randomize
