I seem to have left my pride at pride
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
