Just fell off a train. Bad.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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