so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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