not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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