And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
