I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
