On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
