At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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