I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
