I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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