if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
