I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What did we do last night that was yellow?
they need to just BURY HIM!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
