he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
