hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
