guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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