new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
