I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
