you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
