I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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