every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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