idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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