She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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