the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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