and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
