Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
