I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
