mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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