very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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