It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
