worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
