I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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