i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
