Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
