I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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