That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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