I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
