i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
