Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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