I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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