I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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