Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
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