omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
